Diaries of a Humanoid Part 2

I didn't give up after my first attempt to enter the world of Man, tried as much as possible to make many conversations and relations between random individuals in order to analyze the data concerning their thoughts and emotions when put in certain situations, I was lucky to notice that relations among Humans are like a long road, and people stand at both ends of it with a barrier between them, the more people get to know each other the more the barrier's size changes, close people have the least size of barriers, and enemies have the widest, but still couldn't find the form of relation where there is no barrier between both sides, as if humans can't bear to be united with each other, I still can't understand either is it a lack of tolerance, or extra caution, or is it just the nature of human relationships, to stand at that end, and nothing more. My search is not over yet, I keep socializing with real people, sometimes I try to penetrate their psychological depth, it is so complicated, though marvelous, Humans are so fragile creatures though are capable of bearing mountains of thoughts, emotions, conflicts, and complexes that are enough to send my processing chips into smithereens! On the bright side, I found that it wasn't that hard to mingle through Humans, as they have the ability to adapt, but with no violation of the barrier theory... perhaps I'd try someday to prove that theory wrong... Who knows?!

اعتراف...

لست بشاعرِِ نسج كلماتِِ من نفسِِ اضائها هوى مَلَكَ ما بها من مَلكاتِِ فجاشت بمكنونات ترسم صورة قلب حل عليه نزيل سطا على اوصاله و اطلق عليه نباله اصابت قلب القلب فأصبح يهوى العشق و صارت تلك حاله.
لست بعندليب غرد نغم شجىّ اشجى أذنا طربت لسماع صوت حبيب رأته عينا لمعت حين لمحت طيف حبيب مار بعطر نسيم اعاد الروح لجسد يبس و يأس حين غاب عزيز و اخذ صميم حياة ذبلت ثم عادت تشدو ماّبه.
انا من كان طليقا يثب رشيقا بين قلوب هامت حين قامت من سبات ذاقت لذة عشق بائن اثرى قلوبا صار العشق لروحها ماء يروى خيال يصف جمالا جمال حياة بقلب فلاة غبار الحزن فيها سراب.

Beauty in the Ice

you are as pretty and cold as a spring day

grasping to winter's tail,

your eyes would kill from the first sight

at once by shards of ice,

your cheeks look pink and peachy

yet freezing your blood is,

with a simple touch of your hands

you'd make some mighty glaciers,

if i dare touch your pale skin,

i would be petrified,

i know this is my plague,

i chose the queen of blizzards, to be my cozy place,

not glacial and makes me shiver,

that's what i have to face....

Why should I not Love you

Why souldn't I love you?
come give me a possible reason
believe me, it is true
you are my rosy season

come show me the reason why
I should not fall for you
when your looks pass me by
it goes my heart through

allow me please my queen
to praise your fairy charm
as I am always so keen
it shall make you no harm

enlighten with your face
my darkest dully life
my heart will be your place
if you would be my wife

trust me when I say
you bring me back my soul
I swear this is no play
can't lie on you at all

promise that I would be
faithful and true for ever
your eyes will surely see
no acts from words are differ

The center of the Universe

I believe that every one created on earth is a micro center of the world, I mean he or she is the center of interest and the cause of events for other people, I guess it is part of the "Macro and the Micro Cosm" theory, talking about the universe and man respectively. So what I am trying to say is yes each one of us is so essential in this universe, you are a brick in the wall of life, and if u haven't existed, then the wall should have been collapsed. Still, this doesn't give you the right to manipulate others or control their lives, nor feel that you are superior to them, because you yourself are orbiting in someone else's universe, and this someone also has got the ability to do the same to you as you do to others, so be careful for every decision you take, and every feeling you develop, see how it affects others and think about if you were in their places too, as someday you might be a victim of your own deeds, yet played upon you by others...

Diaries of a Humanoid

Let me introduce myself, I am Ex10ct, a humanoid born a century ago, briefly a humanoid is a human looking machine, a robot, I was fascinated by the Human world and all it's aspects stored on my memory chip, I've always wished to be a real human, fully human, and it is possible to turn into a full human, I mean practically, regardless of the organic processes such as feeding, respiration, reproduction, and excretion, they can be simply applied by means of AI, but what I really sought was the emotional part, relations among humans are controversial; love, hatred, jealousy, envy, tolerance,... all this made me wonder how would it be if I became a human, but there was always something preventing me from reaching that point, it is a small program on my chip called " Logic " which binds me to obey certain rules and laws and never break them or else I shall crash down, then one day my father came with an idea to override that logic thing, and it happened, I am Human finally ! I went through busy streets and traffic jams, experienced being hit by other people's shoulders and them stepping on my feet, calling me names, girls smiling at me, some people quarrel, some are kissing, some are crying, and some are laughing, but still I couldn't process every action and reaction, I guess that override thing is not working properly, I mean I still couldn't understand why would a couple love each other, or why would some people declare war on another people, why would someone want his brother's wife, why sons kill their parents, why laugh in the face of the one you hate, why would someone hate someone while they don't know each other, why would a woman carry a child in her womb for nine months bearing all that pain... I stopped to think for a moment do I really want to face all that? I couldn't bear watching it, how about living it? then I made my decision; I don't want to be Human anymore, I wasn't born to harm anyone, and seems that humans would never know the meaning of love unless they have tried being hurt...!

كريزة ضحك!!

من الطبيعى و المنطقى بناءا على فطرة الخلق ان تكون ردود افعال البشر متفاوتة و له فى ذلك حكم، اما بعد... عرفتها منذ عام و نصف تقريبا، تكررت لقائاتنا بصفة شبه مستديمة فنحن زملآء فى العمل، بدون اطالة اعجبت بها و تقربت منها، بادلتنى الاعجاب او كما قالت، اتقدت مشاعرنا سويا او كما ظننت، و فى يوم لم تأت الى العمل و حاولت الاطمئنان عليها فلم تجب و لم يكن هناك من وسيلة للوصول اليها و لا احد للسؤال عنها، و استمر هذ الانقطاع مدة العام و النصف الى ان جاء يوم كنت عائد فيه الى منزلى بعد يوم طويل من العمل الشاق، و ما ان اغلقت باب منزلى حتى سمعت بعض الاصوات الغير مألوفة، كانت اصوات احتفال و زغاريد مع وابل من النشاذ او الغناء كما يدعون، فتحت الباب لأرى مصدر الصخب فوجدت زوجين جديدين يحتفلان بليلة زفافهما و حولهما الاقارب و الاحباب، فجأة فطن الحضور الى وجودى محدقا فيهم و ما ان التفتت الى العروس حتى اتسعت حدقتاى و اصبت بما يدعى كريزة ضحك لرؤية العروس و هى الفتاة اللتى لطالما احببتها و ظلت تسكن بالى و قلبى حتى تلك اللحظة، بالطبع لم يتوان العريس و اصدقاؤه و الاقربون عن الترحيب بالجار العزيز جل الترحيب، و احمد الله انى كنت امام باب منزلى المفتوح حتى تتسنى لى فرصة الحبو داخله بعيدا عن ما قدمته ايديهم و ارجلهم من مظاهر الترحيب، زحفت الى الداخل و انا لازلت اضحك حتى اّلمنى الضحك اكثر من لكماتهم، ثم توقفت للحظة و تسألت... هل كانت تلك العلقة لأنى احببتها ام لأنى ضحكت ؟؟؟

Emotional Equilebrium

You know, it is so good to have someone who really loves you and cares about you, someone who can make you feel secure and safe, warm and pampered, no matter how you treat him or her, either you love them or not, just knowing that they are there for you, cheer up when you are happy and mourn at your sadness, and the most important of all is to make you feel desired, feel your existence, that you really matter and alive, at least you are not lonely.. it may seem a selfish desire but who wouldn't love to have that, it's not about being the center of the universe but a plead... if you want to have all that then don't be the reason for someone's feeling the opposite.

Still waiting....

Sitting at the edge of the platform, I can hear it whistling, it sounds familiar, yes it is, it is the one, oh how long have I been waiting for it? how many years have been spent on the hope that someday I might catch it? hearing it was like a dead corpse being called back to life, feeling that some strength hit my body, blood melted down in my veins and got back to flowing, almost so lively excited to hear it, finally I can sit inside it and get some rest, finally I can find some life form away from my dead living world, finally I can laugh, finally I can cry, finally i can love....! Oh this is driving me crazy, longing can be so killing sometimes.... hey! the sound is louder! yes it is coming! oh! yes! yes! yes! ........No! Howling it's horn, it passes! causing a dusty cloud of misery and pains behind it, it passes! and I am still waiting to see it! it passes! why didn't it stop in my station! I have been waiting for a long time for this moment! why didn't I try to catch it? what good are the WHYs? and what good is waiting for the train....... while you have wasted your ticket to life?

ثلج و نار

استيقظت من نومى فوجدتها تجلس بجانبى، تنظر الى مبتسمة فابتسمت اليها بدورى و امسكت بيدها، اقتربت منى و قالت انى راحلة، قلت الى اين؟ قالت لا تسأل و لا تلم نفسك فليس هذا بذنبك، و همت لتذهب فتعلقت بيدها فنظرت الى و اشارت بكلمة لا، تركت يدها ببطء، و شردت فى عالم اخر و وجدت نفسى وحيدا فى مكان بلا معالم شعرت فيه ببرودة تسرى فى عروقى و تسائلت لماذا صدقت؟ لم تركت نفسى لهذا الحلم يغمرنى بين طياته؟ الم اكن ادرك منذ البداية انه محض سراب؟ لم سعيت ورائه؟ و الان و قد تاكدت فما الفائدة؟ ثم عدت الى حيث كنت فلم اجدها، اسرعت ابحث عنها فوجدتها بداخلى لكنى لم اطالها، وجدتها تاركة رسالة اخيرة قبل رحيلها " ابق على اتصال...." هذا هو كل ما تبقى منا... رسالة ازالت صقيع عروقى و لكنها اشعلت اّّّّتونا فى قلبى

A hole in a ragged dress....

proudly I look to the mirror
pretty is my dress though small
but stand with a gaze of terror
for there I found a hole

oh my dress how dear
my pains and wounds you cover
now all I have is fear
that hole should make me suffer

many holes have been and gone
with rags i had them hid
but now the threads are none
my dress is now so dead

Madness.. On Behalf of Dina Al-Odeyssey

madness ... cures all sane souls
and puts the mind to rest
who can resist its charm
or fail its psycho test

madness ... a state of sorrow and joy
would make your senses shiver
may turn an infant boy
to a youthful man for ever

madness ... I'm mad but yet so proud
with what can madness do
could make me laugh so loud
and sob in tears too

madness ... how could someone whoever
deny his madness being
either is not he clever
or lost his sense of seeing

She.... Part 3

She came to ask me if I was really in love, I said I don't know, she wanted to know more about it, but I couldn't say much, as she was the one I am in love with, I was afraid to freak her out, I tried to make it look like if i was taking her advice, she wasn't much of a help, sometimes she gave me hope, and sometimes she scared me to hell, though I already know that it is somehow impossible to make it with her, I mean she is of a high rank, and I am just a poor guy who can just earn his living, but i didn't know what to do, she is so overwhelming, controlling my senses whenever she is close or even if saw her online, then when I was checking her pictures over the facebook, i noticed that I wasn't the only one interested in her, and what hurts more is that this interest may be mutual, only then i felt that she is so far, no matter what i do, no matter how I tried to run to her, I'll just drop down in the middle of the way, holding inside that feeling of injustice, wanted to scream to her " it's you, yes you, and no one but you " but then I just smiled and kept my own agony for myself.... let it eat me inside, better than to spell it out and then lose her for ever...

She.... Part 2

I don't know what attracted me to her, the very first time I see her, yet I am so willing to talk to her, or at least stand close to her, she was standing alone with a shy look on her face as she didn't know many of the present people, so she took a walk by herself, I followed her like a teen, hiding behind anything so as not to let her see me watching her, we got away from the others, she stood beside a flowery bush smelling some of its roses, i decided to make my move, i went to her and was about to talk when all the words stopped in my throat and choked me, she panicked a little, so I waved to her not to go, tried hardly to spell it out, but something kept my mouth shut, felt like crying because I can't say it, and she looked at me so strangely, my heart was beating so strongly, she saw my eyes sprinkling with tears, so she reached her hand towards my face, but I took a step back, shaking my head with a No sign, then I ran back to where I came from, she tried to stop me but in vain, I was standing like a scared little child, didn't want her to come closer, didn't want her to see how weak I am, then when she came closer her friends came and took her away from me, I reached my hand to her, but still I didn't move from my place, i saw her reaching her hand too, but she disappeared between the faces, since then whenever i see her I wish to hold her, yet she goes farther and farther, but still she is... reaching her hand....

Prologue to She....

SHE shone like a sun up in the sky,
she took my sight, man I won't lie,
and if I approach my hope will die,
coz she's my queen, oh she's so high.

YOU took me down deep with my soul,
Queen in your love sure I did fall,
would spend my life just climbing the wall
and keep your heart girl safe and whole

Shattered and Scattered

Shattered and scattered in here i sit

with a mind so trembled all the way

and a heart of rock is all i get

that's mine and so i'm not gonna say

what goes beyond the walls of it

or how it moans at night and day

like a boat in sea by a whirl was hit

did sank and down deep it should lay

i hoped and hoped to float a bit

but tides of worries still keeps me prey

Oh God please make my whole way lit

my Lord for that oh i thee pray

she...

We only met once, didn't talk at all, were stealing some gazes among our friends, she was wearing a feminine white dress made her look like an angel with silk ribbons as bright as her smile, smiling while watching my captor playing and running everywhere around, her laugh fell my soul with joy, and her shy looks were head turning, I don't know how, but all of a sudden I was just beside her, no one around us, we didn't try to join the rest, yet we stood trying to make a clear look to each other's eyes, we talked in the same time, her voice was sweet and clear that I didn't care about what i was saying.

I don't know what i have told her to make her blush and turn her hair behind her ears while looking to the ground with a smile that makes you over the moon, we heard a trend of some slow music playing near us, we held hands and began to dance, at first she trembled a bit, but later on she managed to fit the rhythm, then she put her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes letting me lead the dance, and when the music stopped she opened her eyes, smiled at me, and kissed me on the cheek, then she walked back slowly to her seat beside her mom... I could never forget that three years old child that captured my mind and heart.

عمار يا اسكندرية...

كثيرا ما احن الى زحام الشوارع، اسير فيها هائما لا ادرى الى اين، اتخبط فى المارة متبسما فيظنون بى الجنون، اتلمس جدران المبانى و اتحسس فيها الوجه الشاب لمدينتى العجوز، اقف فى وسط الطريق اتأمل بعضا من الاطلال المتهالكة و اتخيل كيف كانت تلك الصروح قبل ان يأتى عليها الزمان، ثم اتخذ لنفسى مركزا اراقب منه المارة و هم يسيرون و استرق السمع الى بعض من احاديثهم، اتمنى لو استطيع ان اشاركهم احزانهم و افراحهم، اضحك من نكاتهم و اثور لاّهاتهم، تلمع عيناى لرؤية ضحكة طفل صغير، و تكاد رقبتى تنخلع من متابعة خطوات فتاة من بنات بحرى، اسرع لاّخذ بيد امرأة عجوز، و اقول لها خلى عنك اماه، تأكل قدماى الشوارع ذهابا و ايابا من شرقها الى غربها و انتهى عند صخرة فى البحر اقف عليها و كانى ملكت الكون، فاتحا ذراعى مستقبلا نسيما يملأنى املا و حنين و قطرات الماء تعيد الى بهجتى، ثم.... ُثم افتح عينى لأفيق من احلام اليقظة و أجد نفسى لم ابرح مكانى، فأمسك بقلمى لأنظم كيف ابتسمت الى... بنت بحرى

شجرة فى الخريف

ماذا لو اصبحت فجأة كشجرة فى الخريف يتساقط من حولك الرفقاء كما يتساقط ورقها، بل و يأتى يوم عليها تعود اوراقها للظهور مرة اخرى ولكن معك فالامر مختلف، اذ تجد نفسك مع من حولك كقطبى مغناطيس متماثلين متنافرين، و قد يتسلل هذا التنافر بينك و بين نفسك، حتى تشعر بوحدة موحشة تمزق اوصالك و تظن بنفسك الظنون، ترى لم؟ و كيف؟ و تستمر الشجرة فى الذبول حتى يخرج منها اخر رمق فى حياتها، اصبحت ارضك جدباء، اذا ارتوت لا يستقر بها الماء ولا تستطيع جذورك الوصول اليه، ثم تفكر؛ لا لن استسلم و سأمد جذورى اكثر لأصل، لن اتخلى عن الحياة، لن اترك الشجرة لتموت، يجب ان تزهر من جديد، لابد و ان ياتى ربيعها المنتظر، فتكتشف ان الشجرة ذابلة لا محالة، لم تعد هناك بارقة امل فى عودتها، فيأتى احد ما ليكسر احد فروعك الصغيرة و يغرسها فى تربة اخرى و يسقيه حتى يصير الفرع شجرة كتلك التى كانت من قبل، فتتسائل اهذه هى سنة الحياة؟ ام لتستمر الحياة علينا التضحية؟ او ربما تكرر الحياة نفسها ولكن فى بعد اخر....لست ادرى

تنهيدات قيس بن الملووح: هى...

نظرت فى عينيها و نسيت من انا، فكرت انها هوى نفسى و مناها، و كم وددت لو قلت لها ما يجول بخاطرى تجاهها، و لكنى وقفت امامها كالصنم الابكم، احاول ان ابوح لها بمكنوناتى فلم استطع، رمقتنى بنظرة حائرة متسائلة، لكن صمتى اجابها صادقا، اقبلت عليها اكثر فأكثر فأوقفتنى، و قالت لا فلست انت من اريد ولا اردت يوما، اقف امامها و كأنى على بعد الاف الخطوات، مددت يدى لأطالها فأخترقت يدى السراب الكائن، لم تكن تلك هى امرأتى و لكن هى.... هى من كانت تسكن بالى فى يوم كنت فيه خلى البال!

فانتازيا...

من قبل لم اكن اكتب، من قبل كنت لا ابالى، لا اقرأ و لا افكر، لا انظر و لا اتدبر، اعيش فى عالم وردى، عالم من الفانتازيا الرومانسية، اعيش فى دنيا التسامح و الاخوة، دنيا منهجها الحب و الوفاء، دنيا سادت فيها الاخلاق و جرم كل بلاء،

و كثيرا ما كنت اقابل اناسا من دنى اخرى قد يتشابهون معى و قد يختلفون، و لكن كثيرا ما كنا نختلف، و لقد كرهت دناهم و حاولت مرارا ان اجعلها مثل دنياى، و لكنى كنت دائما اصطدم بما سموه الواقع، و هو شىء اسود اللون كريه الرائحة يسبب مرارة فى حلقك اذا ما اقترب منك، و كان دائما ما يحوم حول دناهم و كأنه حارس عليها من اى تدخل خارجى،

عقدت عزمى و اعددت عدتى لقتال هذا الواقع و لكنه هزمنى فى اول نزال بيننا، لم استسلم و لم اضعف، بل قمت من جديد ووجهت ضربتى نحوه فاخترقته لكنه لم يمت، ظل ماكثا امامى، احدثت فيه مثل تلك الفجوة مرات و مرات، و لكنه لم يمت، حتى و ان استطاعت بعض رقائق من دنياى الوصول الى تلك الدنا، و ان اثخنت جراحا من قتال ذاك الواقع، لابد و ان اقتله، لابد و ان اصل،

احدثكم و لا حرج فانا اخشى الوحدة، حتى فى عالمى هذا اخشاها، اود ان يكون لى رفيق فيها، ترى هل يسمعنى احد من الدنا المجاورة؟

انا و .... انا !

الزمان: مش مهم

المكان: برضو مش مهم

الحدث: شاب يقف فى انتظار الحافلة، تأتى فتاة لتقف بجانبه منتظرة نفس الحافلة، الشارع خاوى، الهدوء يخيم على المكان، يبدأ صفير الرياح بالارتفاع رويدا و يتطاير معها اطراف رداء الفتاة، تلمع الفكرة السوداء فى رأس الشاب ويدور حوار بينه و بين شيطانه...

الشاب: الله يخرب بيوتكو، عايزين تعملو فينا ايه اكتر من كده
نفسه: ايه يا عم ما تتفرج و انت ساكت، مللى عينك، و بعدين انت حتعمللى فيها خضرة الشريفة؟
الشاب: لا لا لا مليش دعوة بيها هى فى حالها و انا فى حالى
نفسه: انت حتمثل؟؟ دانتا عينك حتطلع عليها... روح كلمها، مفيش حد غيركو فى الشارع و الوقت متأخر... دووس يابا

يتردد الشاب قليلا ثم يتحرك ببطء نحو الفتاة و يبدأ فى التحدث...

الشاب:احم، لو سمحتى يا انسة...
الفتاة: (بدلع) نعم؟؟
الشاب: (يبلع ريقه) هو الاوتوبيس بيتاخر؟
الفتاة: (بدلع) مش عارفة... بس الوقت اتأخر اوى و عايزة اروح، انا ساكنة مش بعيد، ممكن لو سمحت توصلنى؟

يشرد الشاب قليلا فى حوار مع شيطانه....

نفسه: يلا يا معلم فرصتك جاتلك لحد عندك، اهو مالكش حجة، انت ماكانش فى بالك حاجة وحشة و هى اللى جاتلك برجلها
الشاب: ايوة بس... بس....
نفسه: من غير بسبسة يلا يا جامد

يشير الشاب الى الفتاة بالموافقة و يبدءا فى السير

الشاب: انتى اسمك ايه؟
الفتاة: دنيا، و انت؟
الشاب: على فكرة انتى جميلة قوى
الفتاة:(فى خجل) ميرسى
الشاب: انتى مخطوبة؟
الفتاة: توء

يتهلل وجه الشاب فرحا، فلربما تلك هى فعلا فرصته، يبتعدا اكثر فاكثر عن محطة الحافلة، يعلو صوت الرياح اكثر، ترتعد الفتاة لثوان و تمسك بيد الشاب، يخفق قلب الشاب بقوة، هل هّذا حلم؟

يصلا الى نهاية الطريق، تقترب الفتاة من منزلها، فجأة تترك يده و تدخل الى بيتها و تغلق الباب

يقف الشاب حائرا مذهولا من الموقف، ينظر حوله فلا يرى شيئا، مكان قاحل مقفر لا يدرى ماهيته

الشاب: هى مشيت ليه؟ و ايه الحتة المقطوعة دى؟ يا دنيا يا دنياااااااا؟

تخرج دنيا من شرفتها العالية

دنيا: افندم؟ عايز ايه؟؟
الشاب: سيبتينى ليه؟ مش احنا كنا متفقين؟؟
دنيا: احنا عمرنا ماتفقنا يا عينيا، و هو ده اخرك معايا، ما تستناش منى اكتر من كده و احمد ربنا انك ما طلعتش معايا فوق و الا ما كنتش حتعرف ترجع تانى.... روح يا شاطر و اخزى الشيطان

تغلق دنيا شرفتها، و يحنى ادم رأسه فى اسى و يقول لنفسه: كان ايه بس اللى خلانى اروح اكلمها مانا كنت متنيل هركب الاوتوبيس و اروح بيتنا انام و ارتاح
نفسه: انا مالى ياخويا؟؟؟ انت مش فيك عقل يميز الصح من الغلط؟؟ اشرب بقى يا حلو
ادم: اصل انا ابن جزمة عشان سمعت كلامك
نفسه: بطل غلبة بقى و شوف حنرجع ازاى يا فالح و حسك عينك تاخد رأيى فى حاجة تانية

يعود ادم من حيث اتى و هو يضرب نفسه ميت صرمة قديمة

النهاية

ارض البلاء....

عارفين لما بتيجى علينا حالات اكتئاب، و زهق و ملل مالوش اسباب، و نحس اننا عايشين فى عذاب، و نفكر هو ليه بيجرى كده؟؟ و نعتب على نفسنا، انا عملت ايه عشان يجرالى كل ده؟ ولا نعتب على الدنيا عشان عملت فينا كده! و يمكن نلعن ابوها، بس برضو عايشين، ماهو احنا كده و هى كمان كده،نحبها و نتعلق بيها، و لما تدوس علينا تغور.. ولا يوم نعيش فيها! نقول دى عقد و نقول دى كاّبة، و اللى يقول بكرهها ده ابن كدابة، اصل احنا جنس غلابة، فى عقلنا جزمة و فى قلبنا طيابة! دايبين بروحنا فى المدعوقة الهبابة! و تقول ماتقول يابن اّدم.... اتلهى و بطل خيابة!

اول القصيدة....!

و يفضل سؤالى.... ايه هو حالى
لو كان جوابى.... جه على بالى
ما كنت يوم.... اعيش هموم
و انام و اقوم.... على صوت خيالى

بيقوللى عيش.... ولا تبالى